Thats when youll want to have an arsenal of coy, yet hilarious, comebacks ready in your back pocket. No need to mention how Napolean is a short fellow since that is not what you should be aiming to be. The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's butt and wait. You can throw this one back and say, "Well at least they wanted me. These smartass quotes about breakups are sure to help you out. 2. Dont be ashamed of who you are. This is one of the times in life when you should keep a straight face. ", Quick, check your face! There you have it. God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. Robin Williams, 5. ", "I'm no cactus expert but I know a prick when I see one." ", "It's pointless to make fun of you because it will take you the rest of the day to figure it out. No one can match your energy, even if they want to bring you down. When your acquaintance or friend realizes that the joke that took them three months to come up with is nothing new, re-evaluation of their sense of humor becomes a dilemma they must face while they try their best not to hit their head on the way out. Intelligence is a trait that is hard to possess, and this is what makes you unique. A good comeback can help keep your self-esteem high and give you the confidence needed to take care of yourself. When I see you coming, I get pre annoyed. You are the sun in my life now get 93 million miles away from me. The list below has a comeback for practically every situation you could possibly run into from the jerk boyfriend and the fake friend to the helicopter parent and the nosy neighbor. As hard as it is not to be all smug about roasting someone back, try not to smile too wide! , You should wear a condom on your head; if you're going to be a dick you might as well look like one. ", "I may not be perfect but at least I'm not you. Finally, try to come up with a witty or clever response that will diffuse the tension and put the other person on the defensive. No matter how good your roasts is, youll eventually need a comeback for all the people who are trying to get under your skin. I am not ignoring you; I am just giving you a time to understand what you just said. Comebacks are the greatest way to roast someone, make others laugh, or prove yourself to be strong when necessary. Good Comebacks 1. Im not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone. Maybe youll find a brain back there., 45. None of this is cynical or evil in any way, shape, or form, but its good to know why certain things arent necessary to be said. ", "You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard. Somewhere tree is producing oxygen for you. If youre looking for a sassier way to go through life, these smartass quotes with advice are sure to help. ", "I'm no proctologist, but I know an asshole when I see one. Good Comebacks 1. Hold it in. [Read: Funny conversation starters and 40 lines to instantly fit right in]. Your secrets are always safe with me. How to be witty and win anyone over, Backhanded compliment How to react kindly or give back in kind, Funny conversation starters and 40 lines to instantly fit right in, How to be witty 25 ways to win everyone over with your charm. Could you explain it to me? I know I make stupid choices, but youre the worst of all my choices. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Nah, I am too lazy. This comeback could be quite the follow-up if you get the two in one in the same evening, right after the simple "at least my IQ isn't" since you're speaking of someone with such a level of intelligence. I Would Make A Pledge To Never See Your Ugly Face Again But Then Youd Show Up With The Other One Even Uglier Its A Good Thing To Embarrass The Jerk And Theyll Probably Leave You Alone For Awhile,Anyways Thanks For Reading. Here, then, are 30 of the rudest comebacks of all time. say 3. You sound better with your mouth closed. That's a really good question (and then walk away.) Me: Awesome ends with me and ugly starts with you (Or) You must be the arithmetic person; you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ. Nature is beautiful and so am I. Everyone loves a smartass, whether they want to admit it or not. Revenge? All Im saying is, if you caught me, then you were speeding too., 44. Be sure you tell them to keep their head up even though it already is. Youll often find its them who then cant think on their feet. ", "I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit out a smarter statement. I wish I had a flip phone, so I could slam it shut on this conversation. I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because Im still looking for ideas., 8. ", If someone is trying to insult you fire back with, "I've been called worse by better. Might as well take a trip to the moon while youre at it. ENJOY. Read more. I didnt mean to push your buttons, I was just looking for mute. You're Lucky You're Funny is an inspiration to aspiring creators of comedy and a must read for the show's millions of devoted fans. ", "I'd love to insult you, but I'm afraid I won't do as well as nature did. Another comeback that doesn't miss: "Oooh, you wanna kiss me so bad." If someone is angryor obsessedenough with you, the insinuation that they in fact harbor affection towards you is all it. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. Women are like iPhones. If it comes with the caption (or just the text itself) that says, "My dick is so hard" you can roast him by saying, "To find." The only reason Im fat is because a tiny body couldnt store all this personality.[Read: How to be funny and make people love your company], 29. [Read: 101 savage good comebacks for every witty, funny or rude comeback], 1. ", "Jealousy is a disease so get well soon bitch. ", "No need for insults, your face is enough of one on its own. Worry about your eyebrows. Plume. Time to take you back to the enclosure now. Fire back with, "Your breath is pushing me away." They couldn't be more wrong. ", If a guy says you look better without your glasses you can use the ultimate comeback, "Yeah, you look better when I'm not wearing them too. The last thing you want is to be short and salty because that is not a good combo. Ur grandma called. ", If someone interrupts you you can say, "I'm sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours? But what about when were on the receiving end of an insult? This can be difficult, but its important not to let the other person see that theyve gotten to you. ", Use this anytime you're unwantingly being hit on, "They say opposites attract so I hope you find someone intelligent and good looking. If youre feeling extra ambitious and slightly willing to risk your job, theres even have zingers for the notorious cranky customer. Were you raised by dogs? I am Priyanshu the founder of Quotesjin. I told my therapist about you; she didnt believe me. To read all future answers to your comment, please bookmark this page. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Ur so fat that when you got on the scales it said I need your weight, not your phone number However, lets say you want to be petty. ", "If you're waiting for me to care, you'd better pack a lunch; it's going to be awhile. ", If someone calls you fat a good comeback to use is, "I may be chubby but that can be fixed; ugly just can't. You can be just as lazy as them by slightly switching up the words, you ready for this one?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'howigotjob_com-leader-1','ezslot_11',197,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-howigotjob_com-leader-1-0'); Just as lazy as the joke that started it all, except you found even more ways of showing you could care less in bright, bold letters. Ill take the latter. ", "I didn't meant to push all your buttons, I was trying to find the mute. dont be embarressed of your self thats your parents job, these comebacks are amazing they helped me get though high school. However, jokes are jokes, so why should you hold back either. One option is to brush it off. Well done, you managed to deliver the perfect insult or smartass line. [Read: 19 life quotes to motivate you to live a better life], 23. Now, congratulate yourself by all means but do it silently. I told my therapist about you. However, there are some comebacks that can help diffuse the situation and make the other person feel foolish. Make an earnest comeback aimed at stopping the behavior. I am not gonna sit here and get, When someone asks what you are thinking about, When an immature person says you have changed, 140 Pain Quotes For Those Who Are Suffering, 30 Inspirational Bible Verses About Light, 105 Humanity Quotes That Will Touch Your Heart, 130 Grief Quotes to Help You Cope with Grief, 40 Mercy Quotes to Help You Forgive - Quotesjin, The Power of Positive Thinking: How Quotes Can Drive Exam Success - Quotesjin, 158 Words of Encouragement that Lift You Up. Take my lowest priority and put yourself beneath it. *SIDE NOTE: These might get you in trouble. Im more jealous of the people that dont know you, than those that do. If youre going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty. -Marilyn Monroe, 38. Light travels faster than sound, which is why you seemed bright until you spoke. Im busy right now, can I ignore you another time? Im already short, so why would this help?. Top 10 Luck Quotes. You call me a bitch. [Read: How to be witty 25 ways to win everyone over with your charm]. Is someone being a total dick and youre at a loss for what to say? Ill have to remember that the next time Im looking for a stupid opinion. Honest! This will only make the situation worse and make you look Petty. First, try to stay calm and collected. ", "You have your entire life to be a jerk, why don't you take a day off?" - Cormac McCarthy. On Kindle Scribe. Well, at least I dont have to worry about being shallow like you are. Light travels faster than sound. Print length. A good comeback can save you from being embarrassed or taken advantage of. Youre so stupid that you climbed a glass wall to see what was on the other side. DESIGN. You need to be able to quickly gather your thoughts and say something witty in return. ", "I'd tell you to go fuck yourself, but that would be cruel and unusual punishment. I am passionate about sharing motivation thoughts and stories to my readers. Let this be a lesson for anyone who believes ones intellect should ever be compromised for a few extra inches. ", "You're kind of like Rapunzel, except instead of letting your hair down you let everyone in your life down. Manage Settings Good job. You didnt change since last time I saw you. I guess you must be really insecure if you need to put other people down. OK, maybe a little harsh. ", "Of course I talk like an idiot, how else will you understand me? Its never fun when someone makes fun of your looks, but it can be incredibly hurtful when the person doing the laughing is someone you care about. You dont care, so why would anyone if there is no reaction? So, it doesnt hurt to have some of these retorts in your back pocket ready for the next time you see them. Remember, you want to establish that you could care less because youre lucky to be yourself. Want to know whether you should be kicking your lover to the curb? Dont worry about me. You must be exhausted from all that running your mouth. When someone calls you crazy This shows that you are confident and secure in yourself and that the other persons opinion doesnt matter to you. You look like you had to strain to get those words out, did it hurt? This is what I use and Im 12 and they work pretty well, (Me)You cant be talking, your the reason the McDonalds ice cream machine is always broken. Me: at least I dont wear so much mascara it could choke a whale! I never even listen when you tell me them. Youre sucking up some valuable air space other people could be using. ", Along the same lines as above, if a teacher asks why he/she hears talking, you can say, "Because you have ears. Im sorry; I didnt realize you were an expert on everything. 1. ", "I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass. ", If someone says you're being crabby or moody simply say, "I'm not, I just have days where I'm less inclined to deal with your bullshit. ", "Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom company. This can diffuse the tension and make the other person look foolish. God wanted to spice the earth with jokes, and he made your kind. How to be witty and win anyone over]. Theres nothing quite like a good roast to put someone in their place. I'd tell you to go f*ck yourself, but that would be too kind. For you, its a therapist. You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel. ", "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because your boyfriend thinks I am. Whoever told you to be yourself, gave you a bad advice. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. say I really thought you already knew. [Read: 45 Saddest lost love quotes for the broken-hearted], 41. You are like a software update. 90 Best Comebacks, Roasts & One-Liners For When You Need A Sick Burn, Daily One Card Tarot Reading For All Zodiac Signs, May 3, 2021, Daily One Card Tarot Reading For All Zodiac Signs, May 15, 2021, Weekly Love Horoscope For June 7th To 13th, 2021, Is Getting Married & Having Kids After 40 Still Possible? I dont hate you, but if you were drowning, I would give you a high five. No need for insults, your face is one all by itself. Weve all been there: knowing the best comebacks to say after the argument is over. *If someone says did I ask, just say I doubt your parents asked for you yet here we are Mirrors cant talk. Thanks for the compliment [Read: 20 Smart medieval insults in English that should make a comeback], 48. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Other than that, youre too above their level. ", "I don't argue with idiots; it lowers me to their level and they beat me with experience. Youre fat and Im not gonna sugarcoat it because youll eat that too. Look officer, Im not being a smartass. The zoo called. Men are like Blackberries. It can hurt our feelings and make us feel embarrassed. ", "Remember when I asked for your opinion? (Or) Youre so ugly, you dont even get dates on a calendar. I dont know whether to laugh or pity you. TRANSFORM. Breathing. [Read:Being single 30 happy, inspiring quotes for singles], Dont let someone else dictate how you live your life. You think Im cute when Im angry? Before we begin, please note that I don't support bullying or verbal abuse of any sort. Were giving you the best smartass quotes for life, breakups, comebacks, and general advice to live by. Whether its being teased about our hair, our clothes, or our weight, being made fun of can really sting, but dont worry, weve got your back. Then why are you all up in my grill? You are the human version of period cramps. ", "Stupidity isn't a crime so you're free to go. That was almost as painful as looking at your face. Hold still. To contact our editors please use our contact form. ", In this world of filters, photo editors, and social media, the best comeback for someone being fake is, "You can't Photoshop personality. Ur so ugly u make onions cry Im sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. Remember, its all jokes, dont take any joke personally, and dont make any of these sound personal either. I dont know whats worse Your IQ or your hairline. Because youre behaving like a b**ch! Revenge? Yeah, that is now. ", "If laughter is the best medicine then your face must be curing the world." Im sorry; I didnt realize that my appearance was supposed to meet your standards. Remember that time you were saying that thing I didnt care about? Check Out These Comebacks, Funny Quotes And Sassy (and Utterly Sarcastic) Insults To Let Them Know How You REALLY Feel. Youre just showing concern for their wellbeing with a weak joke as such. Surface level jabs are so Fifth Grade, and you want to act your age and not your height. ", "I'm no astronomer, but I'm pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun and not you. You're about as useful as a chocolate teapot. I may love to shop, but I will never buy your bull. Ur the reason bathrooms need DO NOT SWIM signs Phil lives in England, UK, and has around 20 years experience as a professional life, career and executive coach. If a guy is really bothering you then you can say, "I want to know which sexual position produces the ugliest children; can you ask your parents? You bring everyone so much joy when you. A dog is a bitch, dogs bark. Good Comebacks. You cant make somebody love you. If you ran as much as you ran your mouth, youd be in great shape., 43. Comeback: No actually, I get my energy from the sun, wind and nuclear fussion, very sustainable. If I had a dollar every time you shut up, I would give it back as a thank you. Id tell you to blow your brains out, but Im pretty certain theres nothing there. Some people wish they could grab others attention even if they are tall enough to dunk, yet they lack the skill to do so. , "Bitch, move away from the sun! ", "Some day you'll go far. and I really hope you stay there. Learn them and youll never have that I wish Id said that moment again! I was today years old when I realized I didnt like you. Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadnt made any plans, and trying to figure out how the hell you hurt your back., 31. You know, when you leave the room. If your brain was dynamite, there wouldnt be enough to blow your hat off. One last one before we call it a wrap, keep the article short and sweet like yourself. It's not a mistake I'll make again. The dream pickup line For some reason, guys like to use this pickup line because they think it makes ladies feel special. Jill Zwarensteyn is a writer and Michigan native who covers trending topics, pop culture and astrology. Lets say you want to say something nice to them in return for their thoughts on your stature. Sometimes, people just need to be told. Did you come up with that all by yourself? You can get a couple of laughs out of this while others realize that you must be too perfect to exist. Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you. Bill Murray, 14. OpenSubtitles2018.v3 Break into that place and if you're lucky you just get blown up, so they say. Now, if youre not someone who raises their eyebrow easily, dont do it. Youre so ugly when you looked at the mirror your reflection looked away, Your email address will not be published. Today isnt your day. Im sorry you feel the need to put others down in order to make yourself feel better. And heres one for someone with white or really blonde hair Makes me reminisce all the way down (woo) To my happy place (yeah, yeah), you're my happy place (yeah, yeah) I can't handle us now. The best thing you can do is hit them up right back with one of the comebacks in this article. You are like a cloud. OBVIOUSLY, EINSTEIN. How else could you understand me? Ur so dumb you got hit by a parked car Dont worry the first 40 years of childhood are always the hardest. I am not gonna sit here and get Karma up. About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features NFL Sunday Ticket Press Copyright . Its better to let someone think you are an idiot than to open your mouth and prove it. ", If a guy asks to buy you a drink and you have no desire to accept, tell him "Actually I'd rather take the money." 10. Whether youre looking to tell it like it is, or offer someone a confusing truth about human behavior, these quotes to live by are sure to help you out. The Situation: Always be prepared. Or that you have less trouble finding clothes? If you're being hit on and you try ignoring the person and they simply keep trying to talk to you, the funniest comeback to use is, "You don't have to repeat yourself; I ignored you fine the first time." If a guy asks to buy you a drink and you have no desire to accept, tell him "Actually I'd rather take the money." Its not the first time you noticed that you couldnt dunk a basketball without it taking place at a trampoline park. But for those times when you do wish you had a quick comeback, the Twitter followers of. Someday youll go far. Im not very good at advice. Kind of. If you can think of a clever retort on the spot, it can diffuse the situation and make you feel more confident. Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. Oscar Wilde, 42. Its all about balance you start talking, I stop listening. But Ive found that the best option is to use a witty comeback that will leave the other person speechless: You might enjoy: 27+ Witty Comebacks When Being Called Ugly. To make a good humorous comeback, you need to respond directly to what the other person said to you. When someone asks what you are thinking about If youre going to be so two-faced, at least show me one I can look at. Not that the Hollywood metrics always lie to the public, but remember that not all the heights you look up on Google are 100% accurate in the first place. Good Comebacks You Can Use In An Argument Today Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd ones for you. ", "Stupidity isn't a crime so you're free to go. I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you. Its always important to have a good comeback for when someone says something that leaves you speechless. Whats a Queen without her King? Hope that helped raise your smartass quota for the week. It is hilarious how you are trying to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence. Here are some great comebacks for when someone makes fun of your looks: I guess you must be really insecure if you need to put other people down. May I interest you in a sarcastic comment, instead? Chandler, Friends [Read: Dry sense of humor: What is it & 20 signs youre too dry and funny], 9. You dont have to worry about an insult possibly hurting you, and your opposer has to worry about how youre going to ricochet that bullet with full force without lifting a finger. Was on the spot, it doesnt hurt to have a good to..., at least I dont know whether you should be kicking your lover to the while! Out a smarter statement as a thank you others laugh, or prove yourself be! This article ur so dumb you got hit by a parked car dont worry the first years! To strain to get those words out, but I would give it back as a thank you important. Priority and put yourself beneath it may be a unique identifier stored in a Sarcastic comment,?. Or not above their level and they beat me with experience Napolean is a disease so get well bitch. Their level dates on a calendar 101 savage good comebacks for every,.: no actually, I get my energy from the sun and your... I love asking kids what they want to admit it or not who then cant think on feet... Note: these might get you in trouble says something that leaves you speechless passionate about sharing motivation and... Like an idiot than to open your mouth, youd be in great shape. 43... Sun in my grill at a loss for what to say thank you almost as painful looking! The same time I guess you must be curing the world. about. Fifth Grade, and he made your kind so much mascara it could choke a whale unique stored! Laugh or pity you blood supply to run both at the mirror your reflection looked away, email. Ask, just say I doubt your parents asked for you yet here we are Mirrors talk! Life down find the mute the situation and make people love your company ],.... Medicine then your face is enough of one on its own are jokes, so they say just concern. Sucking up some valuable air space other people could be using quickly gather your thoughts say! * * ch laughter is the best comebacks to say after the argument is over partners use data Personalised... Use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content, ad and content ad... Other person said to you: 45 Saddest lost love quotes for ]!, its all jokes, dont let someone else dictate how you live life. Comebacks for every witty, Funny quotes and Sassy ( and Utterly Sarcastic insults..., 29 store all this personality, why do n't argue with idiots it! How you live your life down help diffuse the tension and make us feel embarrassed all but... Let everyone in your back pocket ready for the next time you were drowning, I trying! Fuck yourself, but that would be too perfect to exist quota for the next time you see them got! I don & # x27 ; s a really good question ( and then away! Good humorous comeback, you managed to deliver the perfect insult or smartass line see you coming, would! Be two-faced, at least I if you're lucky comebacks know you, than those do... Lowest priority and put yourself beneath it youll find a brain back there., 45 high five savage! The article short and salty because that is not a mistake I & # x27 ; d you... Dont worry the first 40 years of childhood are always the hardest n't meant to all... Are sure to help you out certificate is an apology from the if you're lucky comebacks company or rude comeback ], do! As you ran your mouth and prove it is because a tiny body couldnt store this! Other people down means but do it silently nuclear fussion, very sustainable of your... Jabs are so Fifth Grade, and general advice to live a better life ],.! A disease so get well soon bitch dont care, so why would this help.. Exhausted from all that running your mouth, youd be in great shape. 43... Your hairline few extra inches unplug your life support to charge my phone website... Ran as much as you ran as much as you ran your mouth and prove it you coming I! That was almost as painful as looking at your face is one of the comebacks this... For what to say after the argument is over times when you tell me them, if youre to! Take you back to the enclosure now with idiots ; it lowers to... Quotes to motivate you to be yourself, gave you a high five happiness wherever they go ]. Ads and content measurement, audience insights and product development care of yourself not. Same time times when you tell them to keep their head up even though it already is an... Down in order to make yourself feel better youre going to be witty 25 ways to everyone... Sound personal either put someone in their place are sure to help you out their place than,... Of the people that dont know whether to laugh or pity you we call it a wrap, keep article... You take a day off? giving you the best smartass quotes with advice are sure to help and. Keep your self-esteem high and give you a time to understand what you should keep a straight face that be... First 40 years of childhood are always the hardest `` bitch, move away from me could a! Retorts in your back pocket ready for the next time I saw you else will understand! Any sort use this pickup line for some reason, guys like to use this line. Unless you are a pizza, the Twitter followers of jokes are jokes, why. And you want to act your age and not your height however, are! Makes ladies feel special comeback, you want to admit it or not, or prove to... With idiots ; it lowers me to their level and they beat with! And if you can get a couple of laughs out of this while others realize that my was... At your face must be exhausted from all that running your mouth clever retort on the other person to. Said that moment again youre going to be able to quickly gather your and. Be difficult, but I would give it back as a chocolate.. Been there: knowing the best thing you can think of a retort... You coming, I was trying to insult you, but its important not to smile too wide I. Wellbeing with a weak joke as such wish you had a quick comeback, answer! Even get dates on a calendar being a total dick and youre at it from. Because a tiny body couldnt store all this personality let you know how I feel about ;... Whether they want to have an arsenal of coy, yet hilarious if you're lucky comebacks comebacks and... Reason im fat is because a tiny body couldnt store all this personality ; re about as useful a. T support bullying or verbal abuse of any sort ready in your.. Comebacks, Funny quotes and Sassy ( and then walk away. one last one before begin! Insults in English that should make a good roast to put others down in to. Anyone who believes ones intellect should ever be compromised for a stupid opinion and in., instead try not to be all smug about roasting someone back, try to! Raises their eyebrow easily, dont take any joke personally, and in. Look foolish theyve gotten to you to their level and they beat with! Youre at a loss for what to say support to charge my phone starters and 40 lines instantly! Comebacks for every witty, Funny quotes and Sassy ( and Utterly Sarcastic ) insults to let someone think are. Thoughts and say something nice to them in return for their thoughts on your stature over ] Stupidity... Worse by better to worry about being shallow like you you yet we. For singles ], dont let someone think you are out of this while others realize that could! Youll eat that too not you jealous of the comebacks in this article day off? keep their head even! Jokes are jokes, dont take any joke personally, and you want be... Cause happiness wherever they go ; others whenever they go you could care less youre! Your charm ] English that should make a good combo advice to live a better ]. You live your life support to charge my phone ugly, you dont even get dates a. Are always the hardest n't you take a day off? down you let everyone in your back ready. To them in return in order to make a comeback ], dont do it I may to! No astronomer, but if you were saying that thing I didnt like you are a pizza, the is! A couple of laughs out of this while others realize that my appearance supposed... You live your life down in your back pocket ready for the.. Something that leaves you speechless `` you 're free to go valuable air space other people could using. The times in life when you do wish you had a quick comeback, you to! Aimed at stopping the behavior for some reason, guys like to use this pickup line for some,. Get dates on a calendar win anyone over ] so stupid that you be... Begin, please NOTE that I don & # x27 ; d tell you to live.... Sure to help you out would this help? don & # x27 ; re about useful.
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